D&D Taglines
- "Munchkins! (arming +10 vs Munchkins Rocket Launcher)"
- DM Advice: Conan cannot safely be translated to AD&D stats.
- DM Advice: Every tavern scene should end in a brawl.
- DM Advice: All dice rolls are whatever you want them to be.
- DM Advice: Cast Detect Magic on a TSR module and it'll explode.
- DM Advice: Dead monsters are *always* naked and penniless.
- DM Advice: He who buys the pizza, lives.
- DM Advice: Lead figures do not taste very good.
- DM Advice: Maps on the table have a tendency to attract soda.
- DM Advice: Never grab a miniature after picking your nose.
- DM Advice: Never kill a character without first humiliating him.
- DM Advice: Never let a monster die without doing some damage.
- DM Advice: Never let the PCs get your bag of Doritos.
- DM Advice: The rulebook you want is at the bottom of the stack.
- DM Advice: To maintain game balance, all wizards must die young.
- DM Advice: Used character sheets make good tinder.
- DM Advice: Never reward a player who serves you Kool-Aid and crackers.
- DM's don't lie, they just arrange the facts to suit them.
- DM's love a hero; DM's also love a good joke. Think about it.
- DM Nightmare #2: Wild mages. Need I say more?
- DM Mistakes #2: "I'll let them have that. They'll never find a use."
- Player to Bad DM: "Just how many Liches are in this village?"
- Player to Bad DM: "Whadda mean tinker gnomes invented uzis????"
- DM: "Roll lower then 3 on 4d6 to escape." PC: "Okay...hey..."
- DM: And the mage draws her two handed sword. PC: We're in trouble.
- DM: Behind the door is a red dragon. PC: I close the door!
- AD&D Mistake #1: Insulting anything twice your size
- AD&D Mistake #2: Insulting an archmage
- AD&D Mistake #3: Wrestling with a fire elemental
- AD&D Mistake #4: Disbelieving everything that does more than 5 damage
- AD&D Mistake #5: Laughing at jokes while spellcasting
- AD&D Mistake #6: Mistaking your ugly friend for an orc
- AD&D Mistake #10: Scratching your back with a dagger of venom
- AD&D Mistake #24: Shaking the king's hand when you have 25 strength
- AD&D Mistake #27: Showing your magical items to a kender
- AD&D Mistake #30: Torturing a diety's favorite cleric
- AD&D Mistake #42: Teaching a barbarian how to cast lightning bolts
- AD&D Lesson #216: Never insult an archmage.
- AD&D Lesson #231: Backstabbing a skeleton doesn't work.
- AD&D Lesson #247: Never correct a dragon.
- AD&D Advice: "When in doubt, FIREBALL!"
- AD&D Advice: Always attack a floating eye from BEHIND!
- AD&D Advice: It exists only if the DM allows it to exist.
- AD&D Advice: Never turn your back on a monster.
- AD&D Advice: Never use a lightning bolt in a small room.
- Another Bad Idea: Being knighted with a Sword of Life Stealing.
- Another Bad Idea: Bowling with a sphere of annihilation.
- Another Bad Idea: Scratching your back with a +5 Vorpal sword.
- Famous Last Words: "Dragon? What dragon?"
- Famous Last Words: "A 25th lvl CE mage/cleric? I pinch her butt!"
- Famous Last Words: "Am I seeing things or is that a dragon?"
- Famous Last Words: "Magic users are WIMPS!"
- Famous Last Words: "This dungeon is a pushover."
- Famous Last Words: "This looks like a safe place to camp."
- Famous Last Words: "This should be easy..."
- Famous Last Words: "Those Orcs couldn't hit an elephant at thi-"
- Famous Last Words: "It's just a harmless little bunny..."
- Famous Last Words: "You and *WHAT* army?"
- Famous Last Words: "+25 to hit, +30 damage? YOU GO FIRST!"
- Famous Last Words: "12 Death Knights? I close the door..."
- Famous Last Words: "Brak? That's a stupid name for a barbarian."
- Famous Last Words: "Don't worry, I can handle it."
- Famous Last Words: "Dragon HORDE? I thought y'said Dragon HOARD!"
- Famous Last Words: "Forget picking the lock-just kick the door down."
- Famous Last Words: "I want to challenge my god to a duel..."
- Famous Last Words: "Nothing ever happens on the first level."
- Famous Last Words: "Oooops..."
- Famous Last Words: "They're JUST kobolds. What're you scared of?"
- Famous Last Words: "We really didn't need a Cleric anyway."
- Famous Last Words: "You're a sorry excuse for a God..."
- Carpe DM: Sieze the Dungeon Master.
- PC: "Natural 20!" DM: "You miss." PC: "Uh-oh.."
- DM RULES - #1: I am always right. #2: When I am wrong, see rule #1.
- Famous DM Farewells: "It hits and... Oh, hold on... I need more dice"
- More Level 10 Spells - "Silence 15 Toddlers"
- More Level 10 spells - "Transmute Buick to Porsche"
- More Level 10 spells - "Control DM"
- More Level 10 spells - "Power word, tickle - torture DM"
- DM's Most Valuable spell - "Locate Sanity"
- Bad DM!: But the A-bomb hasn't been invented yet!
- Bad DM!: Exactly what is a `pantheon'... and why is it mad at me?
- Bad DM!: `Spontaneous Decompression' is a spell?
- Bad DM!: "Flaming Plasma Death" is a spell?
- Bad DM!: How the hell's a GARGANTUA pursuing us in a 10' wide coridor?
- The ultimate ward: Protection from Taxes
- I point the wand at the dragon. DM: You die PC: WHAT!? DM: Wrong end.
- Speak softly and carry a two-handed sword.
- 2 Handed Sword: n. Adjustment tool for alignment problems.
- Be Nice to Your Enemies, It Drives Them Nuts.
- The best defense is to stay out of range.
- Tis but a flesh wound...
- "Four shalt thou not count, neither shat thou count to two, unless thou proceedeth directly to three. Five is right out."
- Run AWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
- Good generally conquers evil. Unless, of course, good is stupid.
- Orcs deserve rights.... and lefts, jabs, uppercuts....
- With every wish there comes a curse.
- Steel: The ultimate arbitrator!
- "Friend or foe?" "Which one do you prefer?"
- Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right thru his head!
- I've seen this kind before... terminal psychotic.
- WHAT the...? A Ring of _DUNGEON_MASTER_CONTROL_?!?!?!?!?!!!
- Honor is niether time, nor place, nor thing, but it is.
- Mine! Mine mine mine! [cackle gleefully, retreating into the night]...
- Nice DM... Good DM... Set down the Outerplanes Mon. Manual...
- It's not a Dungeon, it's a Fortified Underground Defense!
- Worry not, dear Kender. We're just going to cut off your hands!
- OK, the first thing we'll do is strangle the Kender.
- Kender and ale do not mix...
- Worry not, for the Kender has been staked out in the desert..
- Reading J.R.R. Tolkien is hobbit-forming.
- "Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"
- "I'm standing! And I can't fall down!"
- "No, you idiot! A fireball is NOT used to cook your meals!
- "No road is ever old." -- Tasslehoff Burrfoot
- "That wasn't a demi-lich you just stepped on, was it?"
- "Thief" is so ugly. I prefer "Creative Acquisition Specialist."
- "How honest is he?" "As honest as you and I." "Keep an eye on him."
- "Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun." -- Army of Darkness
- "I am as far beyond Gods as they are beyond you."
- "Once swords are crossed the gun becomes useless." -- Musashi
- "Surrender!" "You wish to surrender to me? Fine, I accept."
- "Ah, here we go... Fireball... wonderful spell." -- Fizban
- "Don't worry. Nothing ever happens at first level."
- "Geez! I must be Lawful Good! I believe in the Rules!"
- "Gosh, I bet that dragon bite really smarts!"
- "The DM lies." Note inside a used Player's Handbook.
- "They're just kobolds. What are you worried about?"
- "I am the Dragon. You are *NOT* the Dragon. Any questions?"
- "It's simple, lad," mulled the dragon. "He who hesitates... is lunch."
- "Can't you get it right? Loot, Pillage, THEN Burn!"
- "No, I don't know what my save vs. atomic blast is!"
- "CURSE US AND CRUSH US, MY PRECIOUS IS LOST! - Gollum
- "Dawn take you all - and be STONE to you!" - Gandalf
- "If precious asks and it doesn't answer, we EATS it!" - Gollum
- "Is it juicy? Is it scrumptiously crunchable?" - Gollum
- "Is it nice, my preciousss?" - Gollum
- "It isn't fair...to ask what it's got in its nasty little pocketses?"
- "THIEF! THIEF! THIEF! BAGGINS! WE HATES IT...FOR EVER!" - Gollum
- "We came over hill and under hill, by wave and wind, for revenge!"
- "A battle of wits," inquired the dragon. "To whose death, Sir knight?"
- "Throw Axe! Throw Shield! Throw DWARF!" - beserk Minotaur
- "As I go forward, I hold my sword high in honor of you."
- "'Ere! 'E says 'e's not dead!"
- "Ah don' wanna talk to you no more."
- "Brother Maynard! Bring out the Holy Hand Grenade!"
- "Bless this Holy Hand Grenade and with it smash our enemy to tiny bits!"
- "And Saint Attila raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high..."
- "Don't come here with that posh talk, you nasty stuck-up twit!"
- "I fart in your general direction!"
- "I'm French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent?"
- "I'm not quite dead yet"
- "Death awaits you with long ears and nasty, sharp, teeth!"
- "...by now you should realize that I'm always right." - Doug Pirko
- "Never argue with anything scaly and 10 times bigger than you..."
- Umm... Can I UN-cast that Fireball? I think it made him mad.
- Beware of magicians, they manifest anger in strange ways.
- Chain Lightning: For when you just can't stop at one.
- "Surrender!" "You wish to surrender to me? Fine, I accept."
- The only good troll is a fireballed troll!
- You can have my sword when you pry it from my dead hands!
- When the DM smiles it's too late.
- ADVENTURE: Somewhere between entertainment and panic.
- Ah but my cleric has a +10 spoon of sharpness!
- Guildmaster is that a Half Dragon cutting open your purse?
- War. Such a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
- HIGH LEVEL NPC: The one who parries fireballs.
- Whoops. Can I un-cast that fireball?
- Patience my ass... I'm going to kill something.
- New spell: Summon Rocket Launcher...
- Munchkin is as munchkin does.
- Out numbered 20,000 to 2...... and we killed them both.
- Cry "ribbit" and let slip the frogs of war.
- Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.
- Good games are built on the shoulders of good players.
- Experience: Knowing a lot of things you shouldn't do again.
- Necromancers put the FUN back in funerals!
- It's hard to fly with Dragons when ya work w/Kobolds..
- To err is human. As an Elf, I should know.
- All in favor of telekinesis, raise my hands.
- Old Immortals never die, they just....don't.
- Death before dishonour, but only if the cleric can raise dead.
- When a kender say "oops".....RUN, AND DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!!!!
- No job too easy, no fee too large. Dragons rescued, Virgins slain.
- ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic.
- Cry, "Shhhh!" and slip quietly out the Dragon's door...
- Science asks how. Philosophy asks why. Dragons don't care.
- That dragon's a wuss... a wimp... and behind me, isnt he?
- * Drow (n); Elf with a killer tan.
- "..the rules are not cut and dried." - AD&D Player's Handbook, pg. 8
- Dwarven Thrower +3: A magical hammer that hurls dwarves.
- Sorry, my Kender "borrowed" your tagline...
- "A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass"
- It was just then the Dwarves encountered the Beer Golem..
- A Red Dragon?! Hmmph! I grab my trusty spoon +2 and charge 'im!!
- Now you understand that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
- CRASH! BOOM! CRACK! POW! God, I love that wand!
- Fisandantilus, Of The Black Robes! I think I can take this guy.
- Those who live by the dragon die by the dragonlance.