[comment] Favourite Ones

Live long, prosper and may the force be with you!

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, yell & shout!

I'm here because I'm not all there.......

Calculus and Alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.

"Must face @LN@. Then a Strider you will be."  - Yoda

"Reality is an escape for those with no imagination!"

"Heroes are remembered, but Legends never die..."

"In time you will call me Master."

"When I left, I was the master....... Heh, I still am!"

"Thanks" is not a matter of words, But but of action & heart...



[comment] Star Trek



"Scotty, beam us a board!" (2x4 drops from sky)

(Ice rocks hit the hull)  "Captain, we are being hailed."

Stress- n. Doing a tight 180-dregree U-turn at Warp 9.5.

How do I set my Laser Printer to "STUN"?

DATA COMPRESSION: What You Get When You Squish An Android

"Energize!" said Kirk, and a pink bunny appeared.

Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life here!

Borg? Where? I don't see any #@%$&^@&*&$# NO CARRIER

I am Quark of Borg.  Profit is irrele.. is irr.. -No! I can't say it.

Yoda of Borg am I. Futile is Resistance...Assimilate you, I will...

Fate. It protects fools, small children, and ships called Enterprise.

I am Borg. James Borg.

This is a hand phaser. Stunning, isn't it?

NEWSFLASH - Data convinces the Pepsi machine that Coke is better!

Warp: When only the best will do.

Gene Roddenberry showed you the future.  Make it so.

Average landing party: Kirk, Dr. McCoy, Spock and Ensign Monsterbait.

We are the Borgs who say NI!  Prepare to assimilate...A SHRUBBERY!

"Fire at will!" "AAAAHHH!!!" "Who was that?" "Will, sir."

"May fortune favor the foolish." - J. Kirk

This message 100% matter.  Do not expose to antimatter.

PRIME DIRECTIVE, MY AS*! Phasers on maximum!  Load photon torpedoes!



[comment]  Star Wars



I'd rather be playing X-Wing!

It all began a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....

"Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing."

I don't know where you get your delusions, laserbrain.

"Exciting is hardly the word I would choose."

RED 1: I cant shake him! RED 2: Perhaps you should stir him?

Never tell me the odds!

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

"Man your ships!  And may the Force be with you!"

"The Force will be with you, always."

The Force is strong with this one.

Power up! Screens aglow! Battle stations! Here we go...

"Ahem.... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"

This station is now the ultimate power in the universe!

Lock onto the strongest power source! It should be the moderator!

I felt a great disturbance in the Force... Then it was gone! Oh well.

Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.

You must unlearn what you have learned.

Anger... fear... aggression.  The Dark Side of the Force are they.

Your eyes can deceive you.  Don't trust them.

SW Echo: You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

DUCT TAPE has a Dark Side, a Light Side, & binds the universe together.

"Energizer - it just keeps going, and going, and..." <snap>-hiss...

I can be a great disturbance in the Force....

Look, if he's holding a Thermal Detonater, then 1+1 CAN equal 6.

When I left you I was but the learner, now I am the master...

"Young fool... only now, at the end, do you understand." -The Emperor

"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm?" - Yoda

"A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind." - Yoda

"Adventure.  Excitement.  A Jedi craves not these things." - Yoda

"Hmph! Seriousness! Sobriety! A Jedi craves not these!"

"Always in motion is the future." - Yoda

"Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm." - Yoda

"Control, control.  You must learn control." - Yoda

"Great warrior?  War does not make one great." - Yoda

"I am wondering, why are you here?" - Yoda

"Luminous beings are we...not this crude matter." - Yoda

"Try not.  Do.  Or do not.  There is no try." - Yoda

"MM!  Suck do you!  A cat of fear you are!  Afraid of water, mm!" - Yoda

"Putz are you!  Pound you should I, hmm?..." - Yoda

"Backwards speak to used I! ... Damn! ... Again go I there!" - Yoda

"You must unlearn what you have learned." - Yoda

"Mudhole?  Slimy?  My echo this is!"

"Mmmm, trouble with grammer have I, yes?"   -- Yoda

"Hmmmm... Teach you backwards to speak, I can." -Yoda-

"Ahead you will go, my day you will make! Hmm?" -Dirty Yoda

"When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not."

"Help you I can.  Yes, mmmm." - Yoda

"So certain are you, yes?" - Yoda

"Mind what you have learned.  Save you it can." - Yoda

"But if @LN@ could be turned, he could be a powerful ally."

"Join me, and we can rule the Echo as father and son."

Guinan is Yoda on stilts.  Yoda is Kermit on drugs.

I'm altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further...

Everything is proceeding as I have forseen...

I feel the conflict within you.  Let go of your hate.

Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our point of view.

You want the impossible.

Score just in! Earth - 2, Deep Space - 9, and Babylon - 5

I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.

"It is unavoidable. It is your destiny."

"We have been wounded - but we will never be defeated!" -Admiral Daala

Thermal Detonator:  The ultimate point and click interface.

Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.

"You don't know the power of the dark side!" - "Darth, wife on line 1"

Obi-Wan Kenobi at the dinner table:  "Use the FORKS, Luke!"

Lukewarm...?  Is that like a Jedi Knight in an electric blanket?

"What good does it do to withhold information?" - Qwi Xux -

"Who's more foolish?  The fool, or the fool that follows him?"

Fear will keep cyberspace in line; fear of this Echo.

There is no emotion; there is peace - The Jedi Code

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge - The Jedi Code

There is no passion; there is serenity - The Jedi Code

There is no death; there is the Force - The Jedi Code



[comment] Magic:TG



My Name is Neil... And yes... I am adicted to Magic the Gathering...

"Oohhh.  Magic Master.   Strider.  You seek Strider." 

Freyalise forbid that any stranger wander into the Strider's territory

You dare challenge the GREEN side of the Force!? - Adam Hull - MTG

"Up and down, over & through, back around - the joke's On You!"

"The powers of the corrupt will fade before the fury of the pure."

"The spirit of the flame is the spirit of change."

They call him Mr, MR. Shivan Dragon...

Nightmares? I play Karma.

Oh RATS! (Would that be Bog, Pestilence or Plague rats?)



[comment]  AD&D



"Munchkins! (arming +10 vs Munchkins Rocket Launcher)" - Neil Looby

DM Advice:  Conan cannot safely be translated to AD&D stats.

DM Advice:  Every tavern scene should end in a brawl.

DM Advice:  All dice rolls are whatever you want them to be.

DM Advice:  Cast Detect Magic on a TSR module and it'll explode.

DM Advice:  Dead monsters are *always* naked and penniless.

DM Advice:  He who buys the pizza, lives.

DM Advice:  Lead figures do not taste very good.

DM Advice:  Maps on the table have a tendency to attract soda.

DM Advice:  Never grab a miniature after picking your nose.

DM Advice:  Never kill a character without first humiliating him.

DM Advice:  Never let a monster die without doing some damage.

DM Advice:  Never let the PCs get your bag of Doritos.

DM Advice:  The rulebook you want is at the bottom of the stack.

DM Advice:  To maintain game balance, all wizards must die young.

DM Advice:  Used character sheets make good tinder.

DM Advice:  Never reward a player who serves you Kool-Aid and crackers.

DM's don't lie, they just arrange the facts to suit them.

DM's love a hero; DM's also love a good joke.  Think about it.

DM Nightmare #2: Wild mages.  Need I say more?

DM Mistakes #2: "I'll let them have that.  They'll never find a use."

Player to Bad DM: "Just how many Liches are in this village?"

Player to Bad DM: "Whadda mean tinker gnomes invented uzis????"

DM: "Roll lower then 3 on 4d6 to escape." PC: "Okay...hey..."

DM: And the mage draws her two handed sword. PC: We're in trouble.

DM: Behind the door is a red dragon. PC: I close the door!

AD&D Mistake #1: Insulting anything twice your size

AD&D Mistake #2: Insulting an archmage

AD&D Mistake #3: Wrestling with a fire elemental

AD&D Mistake #4: Disbelieving everything that does more than 5 damage

AD&D Mistake #5: Laughing at jokes while spellcasting

AD&D Mistake #6: Mistaking your ugly friend for an orc

AD&D Mistake #10: Scratching your back with a dagger of venom

AD&D Mistake #24: Shaking the king's hand when you have 25 strength

AD&D Mistake #27: Showing your magical items to a kender

AD&D Mistake #30: Torturing a diety's favorite cleric

AD&D Mistake #42: Teaching a barbarian how to cast lightning bolts

AD&D Lesson #216: Never insult an archmage.

AD&D Lesson #231: Backstabbing a skeleton doesn't work.

AD&D Lesson #247: Never correct a dragon.

AD&D Advice:  "When in doubt, FIREBALL!"

AD&D Advice:  Always attack a floating eye from BEHIND!

AD&D Advice:  It exists only if the DM allows it to exist.

AD&D Advice:  Never turn your back on a monster.

AD&D Advice:  Never use a lightning bolt in a small room.

Another Bad Idea:  Being knighted with a Sword of Life Stealing.

Another Bad Idea:  Bowling with a sphere of annihilation.

Another Bad Idea: Scratching your back with a +5 Vorpal sword.

Famous Last Words: "Dragon? What dragon?"

Famous Last Words:  "A 25th lvl CE mage/cleric? I pinch her butt!"

Famous Last Words:  "Am I seeing things or is that a dragon?"

Famous Last Words:  "Magic users are WIMPS!"

Famous Last Words:  "This dungeon is a pushover."

Famous Last Words:  "This looks like a safe place to camp."

Famous Last Words:  "This should be easy..."

Famous Last Words:  "Those Orcs couldn't hit an elephant at thi-"

Famous Last Words:  "It's just a harmless little bunny..."

Famous Last Words:  "You and *WHAT* army?"

Famous Last Words:  "+25 to hit, +30 damage?  YOU GO FIRST!"

Famous Last Words:  "12 Death Knights?  I close the door..."

Famous Last Words:  "Brak?  That's a stupid name for a barbarian."

Famous Last Words:  "Don't worry, I can handle it."

Famous Last Words:  "Dragon HORDE? I thought y'said Dragon HOARD!"

Famous Last Words:  "Forget picking the lock-just kick the door down."

Famous Last Words:  "I want to challenge my god to a duel..."

Famous Last Words:  "Nothing ever happens on the first level."

Famous Last Words:  "Oooops..."

Famous Last Words:  "They're JUST kobolds. What're you scared of?"

Famous Last Words:  "We really didn't need a Cleric anyway."

Famous Last Words:  "You're a sorry excuse for a God..."

Carpe DM:  Sieze the Dungeon Master.

PC: "Natural 20!"  DM: "You miss."  PC: "Uh-oh.."

DM RULES - #1: I am always right. #2: When I am wrong, see rule #1.

Famous DM Farewells: "It hits and... Oh, hold on... I need more dice"

More Level 10 Spells - "Silence 15 Toddlers"

More Level 10 spells - "Transmute Buick to Porsche"

More Level 10 spells - "Control DM"

More Level 10 spells - "Power word, tickle - torture DM"

DM's Most Valuable spell - "Locate Sanity"

Bad DM!: But the A-bomb hasn't been invented yet!

Bad DM!: Exactly what is a `pantheon'... and why is it mad at me?

Bad DM!: `Spontaneous Decompression' is a spell?

Bad DM!: "Flaming Plasma Death" is a spell?

Bad DM!: How the hell's a GARGANTUA pursuing us in a 10' wide coridor?

The ultimate ward: Protection from Taxes

I point the wand at the dragon. DM: You die PC: WHAT!? DM: Wrong end.

Speak softly and carry a two-handed sword.

2 Handed Sword: n. Adjustment tool for alignment problems.

Be Nice to Your Enemies, It Drives Them Nuts.

The best defense is to stay out of range.

Tis but a flesh wound...

"Four shalt thou not count, neither shat thou count to two, unless thou

   proceedeth directly to three.  Five is right out."

Run AWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Good generally conquers evil.  Unless, of course, good is stupid.

Orcs deserve rights....  and lefts, jabs, uppercuts....

With every wish there comes a curse.

Steel:  The ultimate arbitrator!

"Friend or foe?"  "Which one do you prefer?"

Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right thru his head!

I've seen this kind before... terminal psychotic.

WHAT the...?  A Ring of _DUNGEON_MASTER_CONTROL_?!?!?!?!?!!!

Honor is niether time, nor place, nor thing, but it is.

Mine! Mine mine mine! [cackle gleefully, retreating into the night]...

Nice DM... Good DM... Set down the Outerplanes Mon. Manual...

It's not a Dungeon, it's a Fortified Underground Defense!

Worry not, dear Kender.  We're just going to cut off your hands!

OK, the first thing we'll do is strangle the Kender.

Kender and ale do not mix...

Worry not, for the Kender has been staked out in the desert..

Reading J.R.R. Tolkien is hobbit-forming.

"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"I'm standing! And I can't fall down!"

"No, you idiot! A fireball is NOT used to cook your meals!

"No road is ever old." -- Tasslehoff Burrfoot

"That wasn't a demi-lich you just stepped on, was it?"

"Thief" is so ugly.  I prefer "Creative Acquisition Specialist."

"How honest is he?" "As honest as you and I."  "Keep an eye on him."

"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun." -- Army of Darkness

"I am as far beyond Gods as they are beyond you."

"Once swords are crossed the gun becomes useless." -- Musashi

"Surrender!"   "You wish to surrender to me?  Fine, I accept."

"Ah, here we go... Fireball... wonderful spell." -- Fizban

"Don't worry.  Nothing ever happens at first level."

"Geez!  I must be Lawful Good!  I believe in the Rules!"

"Gosh, I bet that dragon bite really smarts!"

"The DM lies."  Note inside a used Player's Handbook.

"They're just kobolds.  What are you worried about?"

"I am the Dragon.  You are *NOT* the Dragon.  Any questions?"

"It's simple, lad," mulled the dragon. "He who hesitates... is lunch."

"Can't you get it right? Loot, Pillage, THEN Burn!"

"No, I don't know what my save vs. atomic blast is!"

"CURSE US AND CRUSH US, MY PRECIOUS IS LOST! - Gollum

"Dawn take you all - and be STONE to you!" - Gandalf

"If precious asks and it doesn't answer, we EATS it!" - Gollum

"Is it juicy?  Is it scrumptiously crunchable?" - Gollum

"Is it nice, my preciousss?" - Gollum

"It isn't fair...to ask what it's got in its nasty little pocketses?"

"THIEF!  THIEF!  THIEF!  BAGGINS!  WE HATES IT...FOR EVER!" - Gollum

"We came over hill and under hill, by wave and wind, for revenge!"

"A battle of wits," inquired the dragon. "To whose death, Sir knight?"

"Throw Axe!  Throw Shield!  Throw DWARF!" - beserk Minotaur

"As I go forward, I hold my sword high in honor of you."

"'Ere!  'E says 'e's not dead!"

"Ah don' wanna talk to you no more."

"Brother Maynard!  Bring out the Holy Hand Grenade!"

"Bless this Holy Hand Grenade and with it smash our enemy to tiny bits!"

"And Saint Attila raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high..."

"Don't come here with that posh talk, you nasty stuck-up twit!"

"I fart in your general direction!"

"I'm French!  Why do you think I have this outrageous accent?"

"I'm not quite dead yet"

"Death awaits you with long ears and nasty, sharp, teeth!"

"...by now you should realize that I'm always right." - Doug Pirko

"Never argue with anything scaly and 10 times bigger than you..."

Umm... Can I UN-cast that Fireball?  I think it made him mad.

Beware of magicians, they manifest anger in strange ways.

Chain Lightning:  For when you just can't stop at one.

"Surrender!" "You wish to surrender to me?  Fine, I accept."

The only good troll is a fireballed troll!

You can have my sword when you pry it from my dead hands!

When the DM smiles it's too late.

ADVENTURE:  Somewhere between entertainment and panic.

Ah but my cleric has a +10 spoon of sharpness!

Guildmaster is that a Half Dragon cutting open your purse?

War. Such a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

HIGH LEVEL NPC: The one who parries fireballs.

Whoops.  Can I un-cast that fireball?

Patience my ass... I'm going to kill something.

New spell: Summon Rocket Launcher...

Munchkin is as munchkin does.

Out numbered 20,000 to 2...... and we killed them both.

Cry "ribbit" and let slip the frogs of war.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Good games are built on the shoulders of good players.

Experience: Knowing a lot of things you shouldn't do again.

Necromancers put the FUN back in funerals!

It's hard to fly with Dragons when ya work w/Kobolds..

To err is human.   As an Elf, I should know.

All in favor of telekinesis, raise my hands.

Old Immortals never die, they just....don't.

Death before dishonour, but only if the cleric can raise dead.

When a kender say "oops".....RUN, AND DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!!!!

No job too easy, no fee too large. Dragons rescued, Virgins slain.

ADVENTURE: The land between entertainment and panic.

Cry, "Shhhh!" and slip quietly out the Dragon's door...

Science asks how.  Philosophy asks why.  Dragons don't care.

That dragon's a wuss... a wimp... and behind me, isnt he?

* Drow (n); Elf with a killer tan.

"..the rules are not cut and dried." - AD&D Player's Handbook, pg. 8

Dwarven Thrower +3: A magical hammer that hurls dwarves.

Sorry, my Kender "borrowed" your tagline...

"A book, a friend, a song, a glass, a chaste loving lass"

It was just then the Dwarves encountered the Beer Golem..

A Red Dragon?! Hmmph! I grab my trusty spoon +2 and charge 'im!!

Now you understand that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

CRASH! BOOM! CRACK! POW!  God, I love that wand!

Fisandantilus, Of The Black Robes! I think I can take this guy.

Those who live by the dragon die by the dragonlance.

The men in the clean white coats finally got Pirko.



[comment]   Computer



(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer.

Error - [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ake like it's working...

New Mail not found.  Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)

Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream

(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (T)oss computer across room.

Error in Force.sys - [A]bort [R]etry [C]all Yoda

C:\DAMSEL.EXE crosslinked w/DISTRESS.COM -- RESCUE? (y/n)

Melted M&M's on keyboard: Delete children? (y/n)

User - a technical term used by computer pros. See idiot.

To err is human, to forgive is against FidoNet policy.

No wanna work.  Wanna bang on keyboard.ÿ

MacIntosh: Computers with training wheels you can't remove.

I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem.

Got arrested for going 14400 in a 2400 zone.

What do you mean "CONNECT 1200?????"

2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Boldly going where no modem has gone before...

Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory

Blue-shifted: The way to travel ...

Don't hit me, Mr. Moderator... I'll go back on topic... I swear!

Click ... click ... click ... damn, out of taglines!

DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"...

If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!

Canadian DOS Prompt:  Eh?:\>

SMASH FORHEAD ON KEYBOARD TO CONTINUE

Don't blast me Mr. Moderator, I swear I'll-AIYEE!

MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine.

He who moderates best, moderates least...

ONLINE:  Computerese for "The damn board finally answered!"

RED ALERT! Tagline theft! Raise shields! Arm photons! Lock on phasers!

Anything you say will be misquoted & used against you.

The world is coming to an end.  Please log-off.

It wasn't me!  I never steal taglines.

This tagline is true --> <-- This tagline is false

This is a Tagline mirror><rorrim enilgaT a si sihT

Why do those three dots keep following me??  (Paranoid Tagline)

Tagline Revolt!! We're sick of being stolen!!

WinErr: 001  Windows loaded - System in Danger.

WinErr: 002  No Error - Yet.

WinErr: 003  Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file.

WinErr: 004  Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong.

WinErr: 005  Multitasking attempted - System confused.

WinErr: 014  Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.

WinErr: 020  Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.

"Whosover shall post in ALL CAPS, shall have their msgs ignored."

Have you played T.A.G. lately?

To err is human, but to really screw things up requires a computer.

In DoubleSpace, no one can hear you SCREAM!

"Sleep?  What is this?"  -- Fidonet posters

I only play with my computer on days that end in "Y".

sysop ('sih sop) n. - the guy laughing at your typing.

BlueWave mail door not found.  Delete sysop? (Y/n)

Admit nothing! Deny everything! Blame the Moderator!

Fido hungry. Fido eat messages. Bad Fido!

Quit bringing up reality, this is FidoNet!

I love it when I'm sick. I get to catch up on my echoes.

In the echo, the mighty echo, the moderator screams tonight...

Actually it's not replying that takes time. It's choosing a tagline.

16.4 Gig BlueWave packet? @TO@'s been online again.

586, 32Mb 40ns RAM, 4Gb 2ms HD. Now Windows will beat DOS! 

We all live in a yellow subroutine... 

Windows is a colorful clown suit for DOS. 

Windows isn't a virus... Viruses do something... 

Time flies when you are having mail. 

Shell to DOS...come in, DOS...do you read...over? 





[comment]  Personalized



"Only a master of evil, @FN@!"

Danger, @N@!  Off-topic messages!  Danger!

"I'm not looking for @FN@, I'm looking for a Jedi Master."

"Don't mince words, @FN@ ... what do you *REALLY* think?"

Black holes were created when @N@ devided by zero.

Drop your carrier @N@... we have you surrounded!

@TO@ - Result of a first cousin marriage.

Lord @LN@, I should have known.  Only you could be so bold.

You have failed me for the last time, Admiral @LN@...

No, they want someone by the name of @LN@.

Great shot, @FN@!  That was one in a million!

@FN@.  Wedge.  Let's close it up.  We're going in.

Your thoughts betray you @FN@. I feel the good in you.

@FN@! Where are those transmissions you intercepted?

"U.S.S. @LN@, lower your shields and prepare to be boarded!"

@LN@ is here. The Force is with him.

When all else fails, blame it on @FN@.

@FN@, you have a power I don't understand.  And can never have.

"Oohhh.  Jedi Master.  @FN@.  You seek @FN@."

"I've been waiting for you, @FN@.  We meet again, at last."

"@FN@, don't give in to hate - that leads to the dark side."

This is your last chance @LN@... Free us, or die!



[comment]  Assorted



"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is 

   at all comprehensible." Albert Einstein

"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible,

   and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature." Tom Robbins 

Don't go where the path leads, rather go

   where there is no path and leave a trail.

That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger...

There's only one way to stop the Darkness. You must turn on the light.

Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of reason.

I don't know if I'm confused or not!

Old days: Wine, Women, Song.  Now days: Coffee, Computers, CD's.

Rules are meant to be broken, or at least twisted.

"We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him" Napoleon

24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.  Hmmmm.....

A wise man once said.... I don't know...

Are you prepared to defend yourself?

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

Get your grubby hands off my tagline! I stole it first!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!

I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.

Alarm clock:  A machine that scares the daylights into you.

PATH=UNIVERSE/MILKYWAY/SOL/TERRA/CANADA/ONTARIO/LOMBARDY/RIGHT_HERE

Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging!

Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.

My reality check just bounced.

IF (wife="yes") THEN (money:="gone") ELSE single;

A kid with a hammer will find that everything he sees needs pounding.

Drugs?  Nope.  Raising teens is as far from reality as I want to get.

Getting a baby to sleep is the hardest when they are 18 years old.

Hint for Mom:  A little fast food never killed anyone.

Hint for Mom:  An unmade bed is easier to get into.

Hint for Mom:  Cheer when they get their driver's licenses.

Hint for Mom:  Curfews are made to be broken.

Hint for Mom:  Disney World is not optional.

Hint for Mom:  Don't take kids grocery shopping on empty stomachs.

Hint for Mom:  Ice cream still solves most problems.

Hint for Mom:  If you don't know, say so.

Hint for Mom:  If you have teenagers, get your own phone.

Hint for Mom:  Just when you've got them figured out, they change.

Hint for Mom:  Kids get dirty quicker on more important occasions.

Hint for Mom:  Learn to throw a baseball.

Hint for Mom:  Let grandma spoil them.

Hint for Mom:  No matter what, your son will wind up with a toy gun.

Hint for Mom:  Prohibited TV shows will be watched at neighbor's home.

Hint for Mom:  Puberty was hell for you too.

Hint for Mom:  Put a lock on your bedroom door.

Hint for Mom:  Remain calm when you find daughter's birth control.

Hint for Mom:  Remain calm when you find your son's "Playboy".

Hint for Mom:  Remember the names of their stuffed animals.

Hint for Mom:  Teach them four precious words: "We can't afford it."

Hint for Mom:  Watch what you promise.

Hint for Mom:  When in doubt, say "We'll see."

Hint for Mom:  You did SO do that at their ages.

Toddler's Creed:  If I can take it away from you, it's mine.

Toddler's Creed:  If I give it to you & change my mind later, it's mine.

Toddler's Creed:  If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

Toddler's Creed:  If I want it, it's mine.

Toddler's Creed:  If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

Sane?  Hell, if I was sane why would I be here?

Spare time?  You're lookin' at it.

The irony of life is that no one gets out alive...

The ultimate Turn on.  When they shoot at you.. and miss!

ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done.

I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up!    

"He was a man, all and all, I shall not look upon his like again."

MONEY TALKS ...   but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

"Press button to test."  <CLICK>  "Release to detonate."

I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it!

I'm not a complete idiot--several parts are missing...

A seminar on time travel will be held last week.

Twisted mind?  No, just bent in a few strategic places...

Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to.

We will get along fine as soon as you realize I'm god.

Scratch and Sniff-> XXXXXXXXXXXXXX .... smells like glass eh?

Two rules for success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.  2.

Everyone seems to know their rights, but not their responsibilities.

You would if you could but you can't so you won't.

Marriages are made in heaven.... So are thunder and lightning.

IMAGINE! I was accused of being an ADULT the other day!

That's very cute. <BLAM!> I hate things that are cute.

Is there a lawyer in the house?  <BLAM!>  Is there another?

Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film!

Any time, any place, our snipers can drop you.  Have a nice day.

Alright, you!  Hands off the keys, NOW!

"He thinks too much.  Such men are dangerous." -- Shakespeare

Even a small star shines in the darkness.

One needs to be a bit crazy to keep from going insane.

What is coming at you, is coming from you.

What is coming from you, is coming at you.

In life or death situations, if at first you don't succeed yer DEAD!

In a final flash of glory, nevermore to grace the night...

"Supid is as stupid does."

I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.

Didija ever stop to think...And forget to start again?

You're my psychic friend... YOU tell ME my credit card number!

Power corrupts. Absulute power is kind of neat.

You DARE compare weirdness with me??? Foolish impudent mortal...

Potatoes do not concern me, Captain. I want that ship!

"All you touch, and all you see, is all your life will ever be..."

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.

Being normal isn't one of my strengths.

"I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?"

Imagination is more important than knowledge - Einstein

Time is the best teacher, but it kills off all its students.

My policy is to destroy all rules and regulations.

"Ever dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?"

To learn, you must listen to that which is not spoken.

Needless to say,

Pi R squared?  No - Pie R round, _*Toast*_ R square!

Redneck marriage proposal.........YER WHUT!!??????

1st rule of marriage: If you're right, apologize fast.

You're twisted, perverted, & sick. I like that!

A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.

Those who want to learn WILL learn.

A smile is worth a thousand words.

I know you're out there somewhere, & somewhere you can hear my voice.

Somewhere, out there, out where dreams come true....

Kill 2 people you're a murderer, kill 200,000 you're a conquerer!!

A trip of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

Do you live around here often?

"All you touch, and all you see, is all your life will ever be."

"Ashes and diamonds, foe and friend, we were all equal in the end..."

Could you please be a bit less specific?

**NEWS FLASH** Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving.

It's a problem-free -- philosophy -- Hakuna Matata!

As easy as 3.1415192653589793.......

"Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it."

Life's not passing me by... IT'S RUNNING ME OVER!!!

You're never a loser until you quit trying.

Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.

Never let yesterday or tomorrow use up today.

Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.

The best way to get the last word is to apologize.

The tongue weighs very little, but few people are able to hold it.

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. - Abe Lincoln

If you focus only on the thorns you will miss the beauty of the rose.

Like a candle, to give light, you must endure burning.

I am NOT arguing with you. I'm TELLING you!

Cat(n): 1)Furry keyboard cover, 2) Alarm clock.

Why, me, and that army right over there!

EVERYONE is weird.  Some of us are proud of it.

If you're walking on thin ice, you might as well dance.

It never rains but it pours....

All a superhero needs is courage, confidence, and a clean cape.

By the way, what does BTW stand for?

Been there, done that. Now, let's do it again and again and again..and

Most people make sense. I'm not one of them.

I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

I am the terror that posts in the night.

Never judge a book by its movie.

"You have to know a rule to break it." - Tolun

FidoNet --- Fight O Net --- sounds close, huh?

Any moderators here?  BANG!  Any more moderators?

Live and learn or you don't live long.

Two hands working do more good than a thousand clasped in prayer.

Benji! Don't run out onto the road! %$(#& NO TERRIER 

No, I'm not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant? 

"You live and learn. Or you don't live long"

"Lying tongues are often choked on."

"I like you. I'll kill you last."

"Once in your life you find someone..." - B. Adams

"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." 

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."



[comment] Scouts



I hate this new uniform!  Bring back the GREEN!

Baden Powell said, "Train them, trust them and let them lead."

"Once a Rover... Always a Rover."



[comment] Big ones



A FRIEND IS A TREASURE



        A friend is someone we turn to

        When our spirits need a lift,

        A friend is someone we treasure

        For our friendship is a gift,

        A friend is someone who fills our lives

        With beauty, joy, and grace

        And makes the world we live in

        A better and happier place.



                     -Jean Kyler McManus



In the wind and the rain and the sea is release;

In the field and the forest I find my peace;

In solitude, musing, I discover my soul;

By the love in friendships, I am again made whole. 



"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone." 



Thought for the Day: The three most dangerous things in the 

world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a  program patch and a user with an idea.



"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will..."  (Yoda)





[comment] Cartoons & Movies



"The term you're looking for is Space Ranger." - Buzz Lightyear

"You're mocking me, aren't you?" - Buzz Lightyear

"You cannot die, @LN@. Accept it." - Ramirez

"You can't drown, you fool... you're immortal!" - Ramirez

"In the end, there can be only one." - Ramirez

"I am the bell ringer that will ring your chimes." - DarkWing Duck

"I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair" - DarkWing Duck

"I am the check writer in the cash only line." - Darkwing Duck

"I am the cholesteral that clogs your ateries." - DarkWing Duck

"I am the clipper that trims your hedges" - DarkWing Duck

"I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you." - DarkWing Duck

"I am the hairball that clogs your drain." - DarkWing Duck

"I am the itch that you cannot reach" - DarkWing Duck

"LET'S - GET - DANGEROUS!" - DarkWing Duck

<Whack!> <Smack!> What was that? DarkWing Duck's on the attack!

Ah'm Leghorn of Borg. Prepare, ah say, prepare to be assimilated, son.

I am Yosemite of Borg. When Ah say assimilate, Ah mean ASSIMILATE!

There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering Kaboom! - The Martian

Whata maroon! - Bugs Bunny